yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
