he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
