Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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