Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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