I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
