Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
