Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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