I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
