you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
