i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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