loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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