We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
