Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
