Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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