lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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