and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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