dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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