So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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