That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
