i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize