I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
