Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
