Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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