I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
