half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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