What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
