I will die if light touches me.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
