I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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