Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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