I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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