I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
