Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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