mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
