hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I accidentally had phone sex last night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize