He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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