My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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