One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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