He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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