Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
