I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm getting married
To pizza
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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