he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize