My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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