please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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