Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
