Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
