he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
