Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
3 2 1 whiskey
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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