but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
this boner is exhausting
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize