do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
