yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize