I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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