Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
