Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
