just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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