Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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