Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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