fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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