if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
