I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
