You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
