WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
