I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
