Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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