that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
