just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
