You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
