Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
