I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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