Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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